Queen of Versailles star Jackie Siegel has published the diary of her 18-year-old daughter, who died from opioid addiction nearly four years ago.
In a moving introduction to the book, titled Victoria’s Voice: Our Daughter’s Losing Battle with Drug Abuse, Jackie reveals that she had no idea her daughter Victoria ‘Rikki’ Siegel was addicted to drugs.
‘Victoria’s dad, David Siegel, and I only became aware of the full extent of her drug use when we read about it in her diary, which she had kept hidden in her room,’ Jackie wrote in an excerpt published to ABC News.
‘All of the warning signs were there, but I just didn’t see them. Teens can be masters of deception.’
Queen of Versailles star Jackie Siegel has published the diary of her 18-year-old daughter Victoria, who died from opioid addiction nearly four years ago
In a moving introduction to the book, Jackie reveals that she had no idea her daughter Victoria ‘Rikki’ Siegel was addicted to drugs
Victoria passed away on June 6, 2015. It was a day that Jackie, a mother-of-eight, said changed her world forever.
‘Sometimes the struggle to go on is overwhelming,’ she wrote. ‘Victoria’s room – and everything in it – remains exactly as it was. I sometimes sit on her bed and imagine that she is still here.’
The book is titled ‘Victoria’s Voice: Our Daughter’s Losing Battle with Drug Abuse’
Jackie said that her daughter was independent and free-spirited, a teen who was ‘smart beyond her years’ and ‘always very artistic’.
But everything started to change when Victoria was 15 years old.
‘She started to have anxiety,’ Jackie wrote. ‘She didn’t like our family being a part of the movie The Queen of Versailles. Plus, she was being bullied in school, especially by the girls.’
The Queen of Versailles was a 2012 documentary film that followed the construction of a house Jackie and David had named the Palace of Versailles.
The film follows David’s struggle after the Great Recession in 2008 and its effect on the construction of the home, which has been valued at more than $100million and will be the fourth most expensive house in the United States. It has still not been completed.
Jackie was also a focal point of the documentary as she struggled with her compulsive shopping habits. The couple’s children were also interviewed in the film.
In the introduction of Victoria’s Voice, Jackie reveals she took her daughter to a psychiatrist for the anxiety issues that Victoria was prescribed Xanax.
One post from the diary shows a doodle made by Victoria and the words: ‘I’ve caught this disease called life, to find the only cure is death’
In another, from April 2013, Victoria writes about a dream she had of her ‘paradise’ and says she would ‘give anything to go back, even if it meant falling asleep forever just to live there’
Jackie said that Victoria wrote in a note she left her mother to find in case she died that she hoped her diary would be published to ‘help other people who are struggling with addiction’
‘Little did we know at the time that this was the event that would seal her fate,’ Jackie wrote.
‘Victoria became more and more withdrawn. She stopped spending as much time with us. She struggled in school and with her friends.’
After Victoria graduated high school, she moved into the family’s guest home.
‘In hindsight, you might wonder how I couldn’t have known how addicted she was. But I didn’t,’ Jackie wrote.
The socialite said she only found out after Victoria’s death, when the teen’s ex-boyfriend forwarded a letter that she had asked him to send her parents if she died.
In the letter, Victoria tells her mother where exactly to find her journal.
‘I’ve never shown anyone my journal but there’s no one else I would rather pass it onto than you,’ the note reads.
Jackie and her family, including Victoria, were featured on Celebrity Wife Swap (pictured) in 2015, just months before her daughter’s death
The family became famous as Victoria and her billionaire husband David constructed the Palace of Versailles (pictured), which will be the fourth most expensive home in the United States when it is finally completed
‘My business is everyone else’s business now and I’m okay with that. Mom…hey maybe you can publish my teenage journal and bump up your career. If it worked out I’d be so proud of you. I’ll always be proud of you.’
‘I just fell into a deep sleep dreaming sweet dreams and knowing how much you love me and I’ll always be with you.’
The Queen of Versailles was a 2012 documentary film that followed the construction of the house
‘Now don’t freak out, I’m only trying to let you know I’m there for you. Always have been, always will.’
Jackie said that the diary broke her heart.
‘I couldn’t believe how much Victoria had suffered,’ she wrote. ‘Her life was dark. She felt she was never good enough. After reading Victoria’s diary, I felt like I knew my daughter better than I had when she was alive.’
One post from the diary shows a doodle made by Victoria and the words: ‘I’ve caught this disease called life, to find the only cure is death’.
In another, from April 2013, Victoria writes about a dream she had of her ‘paradise’.
‘A place so amazing, so beautiful, so new and exciting, nothing I could say would be able to explain it,’ she wrote.
‘I would give ANYTHING to go back, even if it meant falling asleep forever just to live there.’
Jackie said that Victoria wrote in her note that she hoped her diary would be published to ‘help other people who are struggling with addiction’.
Pictured is a photo Jackie shared from Victoria’s funeral with her husband David and seven other children
The socialite said she only found out about Victoria’s drug addiction after the teen’s death
‘She would have wanted to help them – to make them know that they aren’t alone and to encourage them to get help. To get well. To be happy,’ Jackie wrote.
‘As a mother, I wouldn’t have ever wanted to expose Victoria’s personal, most intimate, deepest thoughts. But because of her text, I’m following her wishes.’
‘The heartbreak we have gone through losing Victoria is immeasurable. David and I don’t want a single other family to go through this pain.’
‘That’s why we have decided to honor Victoria’s wishes and publish her diary. We feel that this is a way for Victoria to reach out after her death. Her words won’t die, they will live forever.’
Jackie said she hopes the book serves as an ‘eye-opener’ to parents that their teens ‘could be experiencing these dark thoughts right under their noses’
Jackie said she hopes the books will also show teens that ‘they are not alone in their thoughts’
Jackie said she hopes the book serves as an ‘eye-opener’ to parents that their teens ‘could be experiencing these dark thoughts right under their noses’.
‘This book shares the story of how a beautiful, smart, funny girl with everything to live for – and despite her family’s help, love, and support – became dependent on drugs,’ Jackie wrote.
‘This book details a story about teenage life – its celebrations and craziness, dreams and nightmares, hopes and addictions.’
‘I also hope this book shows teens that they are not alone in their thoughts.’
‘This book details a story about teenage life – its celebrations and craziness, dreams and nightmares, hopes and addictions,’ Jackie wrote. Pictured is Victoria’s tombstone